If You Give Soujiro a New Life
by Meii-chan
Summary: Perhaps they just hate you. A fallen angel is the essence of death...That is why you are unanswered. Complete!
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Soujiro and Rurouni Kenshin do not belong to me. If You Give a Moose a Muffin and If You Give a Pig a Pancake do not belong to me either. This is my disclaimer for the entire fic (can you call it that?)/Collection of poetry.

If You Give Soujiro a New Beginning

By Meii-chan

Prologue: 

June, 11th year of the Meiji era.

If you give Soujiro a new beginning,

He'll want a new philosophy to live with.

But it's your belief that he should find his own,

So he'll become a rurouni.

He'll traverse the country,

And He'll see many things.

He'll see the Past and the Future;

Anger and Retribution;

Abandonment and Friendship;

Confusion and Truth…

There are as many truths in the world,

As there are drops of rain falling into the sea.

Maybe he'll find the wrong truth,

And he'll relapse into darkness.

But maybe he'll find the real one,

Whatever that may be.

You won't be with him,

So you can only wonder…

To be continued…

Author's notes: This is not meant to be funny, like the other one.

As a result of my current obsession with theme, I decided to do yet another Soujiro story! Except for this one, I'm going to try a new format! Since Lilac Fire Blossom has been almost dead for two years now, and Healer has too many themes I don't even want to think about…(which reminds me, do authors actually write thinking, this is a symbol of that or something? It's probably the byproduct of people like me who overanalyze everything… :P) Ah, I'm too overly ambitious…

And I wrote all the chapters ahead of time before putting this one up! Yay for me! (if you know how rarely I update, this is a good thing)

The point of me writing this fanfiction is not to build plot but to analyze the change of Soujiro as a character through different circumstances through his wanderings. You have to admit, Soujiro's one of the best characters to write an essay on character change/development on (which I utterly failed in all my other fanfictions, since he remained a static character). And the situations that I'll make are pretty much mundane Soujiro fanfiction events, with no mention of character names or anything, so it would apply to pretty much any Soujiro journey people think up of. It's like a fill-in-the-blank fanfiction! Yes, this is meant to be analytical…please don't think it's dull because it's in poetry format.

And no, I did not write this for English class.

This is a sequel to If You Give Soujiro a Sword (although you do not need to read the prequel to understand this, because they are totally unrelated. I'll be happy if you did, though). And with that, I feel like I should answer all those reviews that have piled up on that parody. (Thank you so much! It's naturally a wonder how any one-shot can get over ten reviews, much less twenty-one!)

Hypokritika: Why, thank you!

Kurtain: Hmm, I'm sorry if I spoiled it for you, but have you seen it yet?

Blaze Coyotlhart: Yes, the part where Soujiro went insane…I didn't think that it would flow as nicely, since I didn't want to put in too many flashbacks.

April-san: Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.

myvan: Again, I hope I didn't spoil much…

DuoChan: Why am I even typing this when I could just go talk to you? The book is about a mouse.

Kenkaya: Well, since you sort implied having a sequel, here it is!

ChibiTenshi: Thank you!

Kai-Aki Ti: Yes, any children's book would have to be extremely cute for me to read it now.

Rice Cake: Look! Another work! (Not exactly the same format, but still…)

just a reader: Yes, I did alter the book more darkly. But at least it isn't angst.

sasori: sad…I was sort of aiming for a circle, but I guess anything with Soujiro's past has to end up sad.

ShilviGrl/Amyjenc1: Thank you.

Zill: Thanks!

XIII: Thanks for your support!

Chibi-Tenken: (since an update on Hourglass is unlikely) Thank you for both of your reviews!

SamuraiGirl: Thanks, I wrote it in a short span of time, so it wasn't as edited as it would have been.

Trista: Wow. You couldn't have said it better (even I didn't realize it.)

Shimizu Hitomi: Thank you! (I'm running out of things to say too.)

LotR-Redwall-Obsessive-Child: I can just walk outside and talk to you, but, your sister being a fountain of inspiration isn't that disturbing, is it? And what do you mean "not-quite-innocent?"

audra no baka: Thank you!


	2. Reflection

Reflection:

Summer, 11th year of the Meiji era–Spring, 12th year of the Meiji era

By Meii-chan

Parched plants withering,

Desperate for cool water,

Sunlight remains strong.

Harsh rain plummeting,

Tearing through the air like blades.

Then, a chill sets in.

Bright red leaves falling,

Lying limply underfoot,

A path steeped in blood.

The sound of footsteps—

Flying as the quiet shatters,

Wings flee away south.

Heaven's gift falling,

Covering the tragedy,

Hides decaying life.

A small seedling sprouts.

White covers the blooming doubt.

It trickles away.

Wings and hope return.

Flowers dormant under white,

Are now blossoming.

The path emerges.

It heads into the unknown.

Life began again.

To be continued…

* * *

Author's notes: Soujiro has turned Hijikata! (And Hijikata has turned into an adjective…great…)

Fun with symbolism! Yes, this piece does not mention people in any way, shape or form! I tried getting away from the rain motif, and I failed…I guess the original Rurouni Kenshin symbolism still prevails…

The changing seasons are supposed to represent the way Soujiro saw his past, with the snow representing the Tenken, "heaven's gift," and the plants represent emotions that whither, decay, and ultimately spring back to life again. And since the extended metaphor used here is the changing seasons, then eventually the cycle will start again in the future, and let's just say Soujiro's journey isn't exactly a walk in the park. But I hope the ending has some hint of hope and not pessimism. (I don't know why, but all of my poetry tend to be dark…maybe it's just easier to write dark poetry…) Er…I need to start studying for my plant test in Biology, maybe that's making all the plant-y connotations. Yes, that's it…

Thanks to all you reviewers! (I hope the sheer poetry-ness of this didn't boor you, since I know I can't read poetry myself…)

"Oro" Object: Thanks! I don't know who else would mutate a children's book like I would, so it's pretty safe to say that I wrote this fanfic!

Okane-sama: Nope, it's not a one shot. Although sometimes I wonder if I should have left it as it is…

RoseGoddess874: Thank you! I read your fics when I have some free time! (Mumbles something about AP exams.)

Azimel: Thanks for taking the time to write such a long review! (You see, it gives me more to rant about in response) As for the "chopping up…" part, I stuck that in there, because I wanted it to sound more childish and ordinary. After all, Soujiro was a kid, so he would think that way (as opposed to "slicing through flesh, the blade glistening with lustrous scarlet blood…" You get the idea.) Yay brightness…funny though, I think you must be psychic or something…

Love Chronicle: Indeed. But it is quite funny.


	3. Missing

Missing:

Fall, 13th year of the Meiji era

By Meii-chan

How can you look for anything unknown,

Which you search for day after day?

I ponder this, wandering alone,

As my path leads me astray.

It has only brought me deeper and deeper,

To the tangle of confusion and fear.

Only the cries of forgotten weepers,

Mark these woods with tears.

Uncertainty spares no one,

And all will be left behind.

For the weeper was a child, alone,

The plight?—A mother impossible to find.

I journeyed with the child that weeps,

And through the confusion we roamed.

But how can a lost sheep,

Guide another lost one home?

"I have lost as well,"

The weeper was assuaged,

As much as smiles can tell.

Maybe, perhaps, we'll be free of this cage.

It was not long,

Before we came to a town.

Amongst the populace we hurried along,

It was at a cottage the quarry was found.

The child gave a shout,

And raced to the door.

The mother raced out,

Their hearts no longer sore.

The child turned to me and asked,

"What is that that you seek?"

I answered : "The absence of it has passed,

For I discovered it was already with me."

To be continued…

* * *

Author's notes: One thing I learned writing this is "Never write something because it rhymes." Soujiro and the kid sound almost Shakespearean! (Scary thoughts...)

Synopsis: Basically, Soujiro is lost (literally and figuratively) and wonders how he can find the truth if he has no idea what it is. (Of course, if he knew what is was, he wouldn't have to look for it in the first place) It's like trying to find a rose in a flower shop with no labels, and not knowing what a rose looks like. It would be hard to find, because one would have no idea what too look for. (I'm not a fan of roses. Stupid thorny botanical objects!) Anyhow, before I get too carried away…Soujiro finds a child who's crying. The kid can't find his mom and has been there for pretty long. They both go look for her. Soujiro wonders how he can be of ANY help, because he's just as clueless as the kid. But it seems that the kid likes being around Soujiro, even though the "guardian angel" has no idea what he's doing and is just as lost. Eventually, they find the mom, and everyone is happy. Soujiro realizes that truth is found within himself, and that he'll be happy when he helps other people and they are happy. (Yes, the standard RK belief and solution to all the problems of the world!)

Thank you reviewers!

"Oro" Object: Yup, a poem story! Don't know how successful that's going to be but…

Another Baka: Thanks!…is that smile secretly laughing at me behind my back? (Becomes paranoid)

Smiling Blue-Clad Wanderer's Obsessor: You'll see!


	4. Unanswered

Unanswered

Winter, 15th year of the Meiji Era

By Meii-chan

Have you ever been trapped in snow?

Have you ever called out, and no one ever comes?

Perhaps you are too weak;

You were defeated before your birth.

Perhaps no one cares;

Only your voice echoes back…

Was there ever someone that captures your heart?

Was there ever joy and happiness?

Perhaps you have fallen from heaven;

An angel does not feel.

Perhaps angels should fall;

They should not wear apathetic masks…

Who is there to save you?

Who is there to devastate you?

Perhaps people are kind;

They care and accept.

Perhaps people are wary;

They protect only themselves…

When have you persisted?

When have you surrendered?

Perhaps this frail hope can last;

The memory of elation still remains.

Perhaps not all end with happy endings;

Hope fades…

What made you forget your place?

What made you pursue this foolishness?

Perhaps you heard the echoes;

In desperation, you mistook it for fondness.

Perhaps you realized too late;

In this world, you are alone…

Why is no one there?

Why did everyone leave?

Perhaps they just can't be there;

They have their own lives too.

Perhaps they just hate you;

A fallen angel is the essence of death.

That is why you are unanswered.

To be continued…

* * *

Synopsis: (because it is impossible to understand the plot in this one) Soujiro is wandering around somewhere when he falls in love. (Joy.) He figures out that having emotions is better than not having emotions. And the thing with the angels is that angels are not supposed to stray from being an angel. (Although Lucifer was made to be the perfect angel, he rebelled against God and was thrown out of heaven, becoming a fallen angel (the devil)).

So everything is all nice and happy until it is revealed that the girl Soujiro likes is actually the antagonist (for whatever reason that doesn't really matter)! She makes his life miserable and Soujiro realizes that the rest of his life isn't going to be simple and happy. He realizes that everyone really hates him, and that's why he is never really "saved" from any situation he's been in. And at the end, Soujiro has reverted to the Tenken, except now he's trying to save his mental, emotional state (id) instead of his physical, practical state (ego). And the thingys in the parentheses are two of the three states of mind in the theory of human nature Freud developed. (and that last part came from English class…Lord of the Flies…)

I have a feeling you're all going to hate me for this, so review and tell me what you think.

Thank you, reviewers!

Another Baka: Smiley faces…Are you the Tenken?

RoseGoddess874: I swear, all we ever do is prepare for exams…--;;;

"Oro" 0bject: Thank you!

Kha'nh: Thanks! There's probably something I wish I could do like you too.

tttngan18 yahoo . com: Thank you! I was aiming for serious, but cute is great!


	5. Fury

Fury

Winter, 15th year of the Meiji Era

By Meii-chan

Fear

Pain

Death

This is what I embody.

Is that why everyone hates me?

Because I am something so dangerous?

Because I might hurt you?

But what about the time they jeered and threatened?

What about the time they came with sticks and stones?

What about the time they came with sharpened swords?

That was when I was like everyone else.

Was I so different,

_Even back then?_

_Even when I couldn't help it?_

Will I be hunted down no matter who I meet or where I go?

In the end, is Shishio-san right?

Maybe there are people who live to be hated,

To be murderous wolves,

To be like me.

I cannot stray,

This is the only path:

_The one hewn by frozen wakizashi,_

_Carpeted by free flowing blood..._

I've tried virtue,

Why do you claim it is not enough?

_Can starved wolves show restraint?_

If only to save myself,

_Desperate agony turns to desperate fury…_

I'll take up fear, pain, and death once more,

I don't care what will happen tomorrow!

To be continued…

* * *

Author's notes: Hmm…I don't like this poem very much. I'll probably change it later when I come up with a better poem (and why does poetry format kill my spacings so that everything is one stanza?). And yeah, I can't write poetry about anger because I'm usually not angry; that, and the fact that I can't really understand Soujiro's emotions at this point in time. It's somewhat irrational and impulsive…Let's just say that Soujiro has just reverted to Tenken and gone on a killing spree, not thinking about the consequences…Oh dear… 

On another note…yeah, I didn't update for two weeks…sorry! I went to church retreat and didn't have access to the Internet for the entire Memorial Day weekend. (But actually, if you know how rarely I update, my other fics, this is actually fast for me!)

Thank you, reviewers! (And please review this chapter; I want to know your opinions on this poem, since I myself hate it so much!)

"Oro" 0bject: Yeah, it's such a pity I had to do that, even in a poem…In prose he can at least express himself. But I guess the vagueness makes it less melodramatic, or not?

Babygirl: Sometimes I don't even understand what I write. It's like ETS picking something totally random and making you write an essay on it.

Charming Woman: Thanks!

: Thank you!

Genki Ninjagirl: Thanks! Uh…forgive you for what?

Rose Mary: Yeah, it probably would be better, but then I would end up updating 20 times as slow. And that would be a bad thing.


	6. Metamorphoses

Metamorphoses:

16th year of the Meiji era

By Meii-chan

"The strong live; the weak die. The truth of life."

My life, in whatever state, a curse to humankind;

My smile, a key to a forgotten lock;

My thoughts, only capable of feeling comfort;

This is how I have lived.

I know killing is wrong,

My heart says this.

The key turns,

Binds fall,

Unlocked.

I awaken,

And finally understand.

To feel untamed fury,

Sorrow and happiness with others…

Living like this is my wish.

My thoughts, observances of other simple lives;

My smile, a living emotion, no longer bound;

My life, a fire burning through winter's deep cold.

"Everyone dies, but not everyone lives. The truth of life."

To be continued…

* * *

Author's notes: No, I did not spell the title wrong. It is supposed to be metamorphoses (plural) as opposed to metamorphosis (singular). Despite the structure of the reverse diamonte poem, it is supposed to emphasize numerous changes instead of one really big change. Of course, it does seem almost too identical to all of the other revelation Soujiro poems out there…perhaps that's my fault. My original intention wasn't to make it seem like Soujiro got Amakekeru Ryuu no Hirameki'ed again (Ah, so now Kenshin's final attack gets turned into a verb…); it was to show the changing perceptions of how Soujiro viewed himself. 

Yes, instead of having Soujiro realize what was wrong as a final statement, I had him find this "truth." And I do think it's one that everyone can apply in their lives within legal boundaries. I mean, life wouldn't have any purpose if you just exist. In my opinion, that was the flaw of Shishio's theory: "If you're strong, you live." Yes, you live, but what would be the point of living if there are no more people around (since they're all weaker than you, they died.)? "If you're weak, you die." Then why do people bother living anyway? (There's always someone stronger in different qualities.)

(6/21/05) Hmm…I have no idea why I wrote all that stuff before…I couldn't update because ff . net wouldn't let me! for some odd reason whenever I tried to update, the update page didn't show up! Sorry to all you who have been waiting!

* * *

Anyway, Thanks to the reviewers who reviewed! (There's a lot of you!) 

Another Baka: Thank you (big grin as well) , since ff . netwon't let me use symbols:

MYTAMPHUCUONG tặng MYTA FAN: Don't worry! I'm not going to abandon it, since I already wrote the subsequent chapters! (Aren't I a genius?)

Hồ Thị Ngọc Đào: Thanks!

IKnowNot: Yeah, I think I figured out the difficulty of free form the hard way, especially since the poetry I used to write for school was pretty much structured and rigid. (I remember counting syllables on my fingers for an hour…) When I'm done posting the entire collection, I'll go back and edit in places that I think should be edited. Anyway, thanks for such a long review!

Anonymous Freak: If only I could…and actually finish it.

Leona Westley: Yeah, and right when you think you've escaped into summer vacation, it assaults you with tons of homework! X.x

Mysterious Samurai: Thank you!

Erica Madarine: Thanks! I will, I will!


	7. Running

Running

Summer, 16th year of the Meiji Era

By Meii-chan

It is wet;

It is dripping.

It never ceases chasing,

This invisible rain.

No matter how fast I run,

I am always drenched.

It isn't my fault…

I had to save myself,

But now even that sounds selfish.

Faces worn by shriveled trees,

Dead branches waving, searching,

A pleasant breeze becomes the voice of a banshee.

They were parents, children,

Friends, rivals.

I was strong enough to kill them,

But not enough to run away?

Even in the real rain,

The red never washes out.

Like a piece of glass,

A small crack mars the entire pane,

Eternity isn't time enough to heal.

If there was something I can do,

To ease this shame and guilt,

I would.

Even if I join them in death…

But that would accomplish nothing.

It would not bring them back.

Not a single one.

So, I guess I'll have to live on,

To carry these sins in my heart.

Because now I know killing them was my decision.

They are lifeless;

They are haunting.

They creep and claw at the mind,

These drops of invisible rain.

No matter how deep I hide,

They are coming.

To be continued…

* * *

Author's notes: Soujiro has gone off the deep end. I'm afraid he has lost his mind. (And what kind of author am I, to drive him to the zenith of insanity? Please don't kill me…) I hope this is poem is pretty self-explanatory, Soujiro is feeling really guilty about the previous chapter, but he does understand that it's something he has to deal with. (Which is another duplication of Kenshin's answer, except Soujiro keeps on running (maybe he just can't deal with it now? Who knows?)) 

Thank you, people who reviewed!

RoseGoddess874: Thank you! Your Kaiba poems are very nice.

Genki Ninjagirl: Thanks! I really like Soujiro-san too!

IKnowNot: Hmm…I've had that last poem on the computer for so long that I've forgotten what I've written! Thanks for your criticism, at least now I would know what to change when I go back and edit it.

Person who used the question marks (since ff . net won't let me type up all those symbols): Thank you!


	8. Parasol

Parasol

Autumn, 18th year of the Meiji Era

By Meii-chan

_"Aren't you getting wet?"_

Do I look wet?

It isn't even raining.

There aren't any drops of water here.

_"Don't be silly, you're drowning."_

Drowning?

I can drown in sunlight?

That's something new.

_"Pity, you can't tell that your heart is dying."_

I can't be in the process of dying.

My spirit's already dead.

Nothing can change that.

_"Here's my umbrella. At least try to keep yourself dry."_

An umbrella.

A wide circle of white silk stretched over a thin wooden frame.

This flimsy thing…

_"Please keep the umbrella. Take care."_

The light felt warm under the umbrella,

And the invisible rain disappeared.

But what about you, miss?

_"Oh, but you see, it isn't raining."_

To be continued…

* * *

Synopsis: Okay, this isn't really a poem, but it was sort of inspired by a poem on my English exam. (FYI: it was talking about a bunch of people who were burning, drowning, freezing, and being mauled to death by dogs. I think its title was "Tuesday, 9:00 A.M." or something like it.)

So, Soujiro is being a rurouni when some random girl tells him it's raining, and he's drowning and such. It is actually a bright and sunny day. Soujiro thinks that she's delusional and pretty much ignores her until she gives him her umbrella. And then he realizes that she's isn't just offering her umbrella, but also her friendship. And she is not delusional! (Eccentric might be a better word.) I'll let you imagine what kind of person she is, what she does, and her personality…as for me, ah, forget the tedious details! If she becomes Soujiro's friend, nothing else matters, right? This is like a fill in the blank journey, isn't it?

Thank you reviewers!

"Oro" Object: Thanks! I'm glad you like it!

Tenken's Amour: Thank you. I hope this qualifies as what you would perceive as "good work!"

Anonymous Freak: Thank you!

Please review, it shall make me very joyous if you do.


	9. Home

Home

Summer, 20th year of the Meiji Era

By Meii-chan

I know sadness.

It lingers in the emptiness of the snow—

I know anger.

It flashes like lightning,

Fierce, flaming, unforgiving—

I know regret.

It stalks from the shadows,

Seizes the heart and shreds it,

Stealing all—

I know love.

It waits patiently under the parasol,

Warm and cool and light and heavy—

It is the essence of the heavens:

God's true gift to nature.

I still don't understand who I am,

Even though I know these things.

Yet knowing is not enough…

Sadness tells me I'm a hopeless being,

Anger tells me I'm what others have made me.

Regret tells me I'm my own undoing,

And love tells me I'm whatever I choose to be.

Because I have gazed into these invisible mirrors,

I have truly seen myself.

And for that reason,

I am home.

To be continued…

* * *

Author's rambling: Okay…I really didn't know how to write this poem (maybe I should become a rurouni myself…). Anyway, because I didn't know what was going to some out of this poem, I saved it till the end, trying to come up with something out of the ordinary. And I totally failed. Sorry, I had good intentions. You think that an odd format for a story would rule out the lovey-dovey-ness of fandom, but no… Well, at least the first girl Soujiro came across made him evil. That would show that everything's not that perfect, right?

Well, thus the journey approaches its end. And I am shown to be just another sappy writer… Although my point wasn't that romantic love is the solution to all the problems in the world. I think for Soujiro, different emotions would bring out different facets of him. For example, an opponent who hates Soujiro would still only see him as an enemy, while the umbrella girl would see him as a (hopefully) harmless rurouni. Yet they are one and the same, even if they're on opposite poles.

…

Ah yes, the reviewers!

(person with the question marks): Ah, well, I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

"Oro" Object: Thank you!

Another Baka: (Yet another big grin to you as well!)

Anonymous Freak: Thanks!

Philia-chan: I hope you like this one too!


	10. Epilogue

Epilogue: To be continued…

Spring, 21st year of the Meiji era

By Meii-chan

If you give Soujiro a new beginning,

You'll wonder how he'll be.

For ten years, you have no idea.

But then, he'll come to visit.

He'll stand at the doorway, smiling at your son,

Awaiting your permission to enter.

Of course, being the kind and forgiving person you are, you acquiesce.

He'll want to tell you about his journey,

And about how thankful he is.

And finally, he'll tell you what he learned.

He'll remember wandering aimlessly in the past

Being lost, and then finding his way.

He'll remember the friendship that as swiftly slain

The fury that drove sin.

He'll remember awakening to the truth

The guilt of retribution.

He'll remember that hope of friendship remains,

That there is kindness left in the world.

He'll remember the wish to live,

And He'll smile.

He'll say: "If life was ever written as a story,

At the end of each chapter there should be the words:

"To be continued."

* * *

Author's notes: Okay, maybe this ending was a little selfish wishing from Soujiro. But seeing how Kenshin is the altruistic one (with the entire speech to Enishi about wielding the sword to make others happy…) I guess it's only natural that Soujiro would end up more attached to life than Kenshin was. I mean, Soujiro's entire motivation for surviving up into and through the Kyoto arc was the will to live. But I guess his will to live now isn't because he's avoiding death, but rather embracing life.

So thanks for reading! Thus, this fanfic becomes the first multi-chapter one I've completed. Woah…Now let's see if I can apply that to some of the other ones collecting dust on the shelf…but then, I'll probably spend all of tomorrow reading the new Harry Potter book. (Ah, yes, all the more reason to procrastinate!)

* * *

Oh yeah, thank you all for reviewing!

Another Baka: Okay, how about this? (Big grin) "The strong live; the weak die." (Prances around swinging a sword) I said something, didn't I? (But yes, thank you for reading, I appreciate it a lot.)

Mikifiona: But I don't. It's like a vague essay question that people see different things in, even if the essay question writers have no idea how they would write the essay themselves.

Anonymous Freak: I can't. Maybe it's because I read more Shounen manga than Shoujo manga…but then, any romance I write ends up cheesy…

Nice Witch: "Bold"…? Hmm…never realized it.

Genki Ninjagirl: Yup yup! But doesn't Soujiro belong to Watsuki-san?

And all the other people who read this, a big thanks to all of you (You know who you are)!


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